My girlfriend is pregnant – what do I do? 

Being emotionally supportive is one of the best ways to help your partner as well as yourself. Open communication is very effective and letting her know that you are there for her will provide some comfort. You are both in this together.  

Here are some great guidelines to incorporate into your approach when you receive this news: 

Express yourself while remaining supportive of your partner. 

In most pregnancies, a woman has a few different options to choose from, but that does not mean that she doesn’t want to hear your feelings and opinions. In our experience, most women simply want to know their partner cares. While she may not want to be pressured one way or the other, she does want to know your thoughts and emotions regarding the situation. Don’t be afraid to express them to her. 

It’s okay to have mixed feelings.

You may feel guilty, joyful, confused, scared, sad, or even angry. In a situation like this where feelings may be complicated, connecting with and attempting to understand what your partner is also feeling may be helpful.  

However you may feel, know that focusing on fault, placing blame, or questioning why it happened will not be beneficial when faced with moving forward and making decisions.

Instead, try to put your energy into the present and the future. Let your partner know that you are there for her, you are in this together, and will do what you can to help. 

Find the path forward.

Things may be difficult if you and your partner differ on moral, ethical and spiritual beliefs. Make the effort to work towards a resolution anyway. 

Deciding what the best option for you both is may be difficult if your beliefs or preferences are not the same.

For example, if you prefer her to keep the baby but she is considering abortion, it may be especially difficult. It is important that you both connect your moral, ethical, and spiritual beliefs, understand each other’s perspectives and work together towards a resolution.

• You can parent  
• You could offer to financially support her and the baby 
• You could ask a relative to help you raise your child 
• You both could choose alternative parents through open adoption. 

Recognize that there is always the possibility that she will make a choice you don’t agree with.

If this is the case and she chooses to move forward with a decision without speaking to you, it is recommended that you talk to someone if you find yourself upset. If your partner/friend had an abortion against your desires, it is normal to go through a period of grief for your loss. Finding someone you feel comfortable speaking with is important. If needed, Obria offers support, should you need a confidential place to talk. Talking to a friend, family member, or someone in your community may be helpful. 

Show her you care.

If your partner or friend is pregnant, there are many ways to show her you care.

• Be willing to talk to her about the pregnancy, no matter how you feel. Be constructive in your comments and explore all options before making a final decision. 
• Check-in with her often to see how she is feeling. 
• Help her feel special and cared for – perhaps bring her a flower or write her a note 
• Be understanding of her pregnancy symptoms. Nausea, fatigue, irritability, and moodiness are normal, especially early in pregnancy. 
• If she chooses to have an abortion, she may have some anxiety, regrets, depression, and sadness. Let her express her feelings to you without taking it personally. She may also find this resource helpful. 
• If she needs more support than you can give her, suggest she find counseling.